I think I finally hit a breaking point.
2 years ago, I was studying surgery in India. A good friend of mine (and a fantastic surgeon) Dr. Ugale was showing me the ropes of general surgery (abdominal bariatric weight reduction surgery, more specifically). He offered me a free surgery (either a gastric band, ballon, sleeve or bypass – my choice). I thought about it and asked him if I was really that fat to where I qualified for the surgery. I was.
That day I went to the gym and I never stopped. 6 months later I had lost 60 lbs.
After that, it got me thinking… if I could do that, couldn’t I do anything?
For a year now I have been trying (and failing, repeatedly) at a pretty ambitious schedule. I’ve wanted to build my businesses, finish medical school, stop biting my nails, finish my fitness journey (another 25 lbs to go to be sub 10 body fat), wake up every day at 4am, be productive, get my anger under control, break the death grip pornography had on my life, get my relationship with God back on track, be a stronger and better man in general, reconnect with my family, make better relationship decisions (not just dating a chick because she was hot, interested and liked sex), etc etc etc. I wanted to become the man I had always… well… wanted to become.
And I think it finally stuck. The trick was failing…. repeatedly. But never failing to reset and try again. I would have a good 3 days on a diet and then go nuts at a restaurant and end up worse than I was before. I would save pennies and waste dollars. I would get up at 4am a few days in a row and then sleep in till noon on the weekend. I would accomplish a lot on one business venture and then neglect all the rest.
But eventually it stuck. My nails are longer now than they have been in 10 years because I actually stopped biting them. The hair on my wrists and finders have grown back because I actually stopped chewing on them (gross, I know. You know you do some gross shit too, I’m just honest about it ).
I get up at 4am now and it’s easy. I fast (water only, or sometimes even a dry fast) for days at a time and I’m not even hungry any more. I go to the gym and run 7 miles consistently and it’s just become normal. I budget every dollar and actually stick to my monthly budgets now. I have saved up a $1000 emergency fund and actually see a path towards paying down my old student loans now.
I take a deep breath now and better respond to things instead of just react in anger or annoyance. I am closing the distance on my medical degree and can finally see an end in sight. Porn has lost it’s control over me and I am becoming better about controlling my emotions in general. I am slowly becoming the man I always wanted to be. I’ve even read 32 books while doing it. Praise God.
It’s finally all happening and it’s easy now. But it wasn’t always easy. I kept hitting a wall on every single thing. Every single time. I experienced extreme emotional, mental, spiritual and physical lows. I made mistakes. I hurt people. I said and did things I regret.
But I never stopped resetting. Each time a little bit smarter, more focused, more calculated and more knowledgable than the last. I started to see failure as my fuel and I rejected sayings like “if going left doesn’t work, go right” and “insanity is trying to do the same thing over and over and expecting different results”. Instead, I kept going left, over and over and over and it’s finally worked. I accepted insanity. I ignored the critics. I never quit, for long. It was a fail, acceptance of the failure, analysis of why, how and what and a recalculated reset. Rinse and repeat. I stopped caring what anyone thought about me (as is clear from my posts I’m sure).
The fact is, at the end of the day, persistence is the only metric that matters. If you’re reading this and you’ve failed at something that genuinely means something to you. Figure out why you failed, take aim again at that goal, set up better systems and processes for success this time, and fail again. But fail better this time. And better next time, and better again. One day you will wake up past the goal and not even realize you had crossed the finish line ages ago.